adulthood (reflections from clinical psychologists/narrative therapists)
Some clients have recently shared fears about becoming adults. Upon examination, this doesn’t have much to do with being the age that the law deems them to be an adult. It has more to do with “adulthood” and what this entails.
These people share nothing in common, apart from being within a similar age range. However, they both fall under the marginalising and disempowering structures of ableism. One has lifelong physical health conditions, the other is autistic. The fears in approaching adulthood are everything to do with not knowing how adulthood accommodates people like them. They are also both females and one is not white.
There is plenty to be concerned about. So called western societies do tend to favour those who can abide to a certain set of criteria, a certain set of norms. And these norms have been set by those with power, and these tend to be white, privileged, heterosexual, able bodied males. The effects of this marginalise those who don’t fit into these norms- females, working classes, non white people, neurodivergent people, gender/sexual diverse people, those with disabilities (or differently abled), fat people. Too often these people are left feeling like the world just doesn’t fit for people like them.
Some thoughts we’ve been having in response to this, and some ideas shared by people we’ve been in conversations with, include:
What are the effects of “not fitting in”? In addition to any challenges, does it also enable or make anything possible?
When you connect with what “not fitting in” makes possible in your life. Does it offer any freedom from certain prescribed “routes” or pressures?
Could you ask different people how they do “adulting”. Perhaps there is not just one way and people respond to being an adult in a whole variety of ways.
Have you managed any other transitions in your life that were uncertain or daunting? What was this journey like and what did you do to help yourself through the transition?
Some have said they value their connections with the many people and groups who also don’t feel like they fit and some are taking collective stands against abuses of power and the marginalisation of voices.
Please add any of your own ideas or responses to what we’ve shared: